CaptainKetchup5

@CaptainKetchup5 Captain Ketchup Commanding Officer: 69th Royal Irish Shitposting Regiment. Always choosing the lesser of two weevils. Somewhere East of Suez

Account created: Jan 12, 2022 9:16 PM

Latest activity: Oct 2, 2022 1:20 AM

697 follows, 856 followers

Last checked: Oct 2, 2022 5:41 AM

CaptainKetchup5's neighbors with the most:

ToS Violations Nazi Dogwhistles Antisemitism Transphobia Anti-Blackness Homophobia

Analyzed Images - 88

Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

This show is surprisingly good so far. https://t.co/1aOOSvyEsy

Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

: And I really can’t decide if I’d pick the resourceful Latina sidekick or the Imperial AWFL GirlBoss.

5:16 PM · Oct 1, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

This show is surprisingly good so far.

5:16 PM · Oct 1, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Olivia Wilde's transition from "The hot doctor on House" to this sadistic Nurse Ratched dominatrix thing she's trying to pull off now is really something.

8:58 PM · Sep 30, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

TFW no Putin lawyer GF.

5:31 PM · Sep 30, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Wanna work out but can't make it to the gym? Try this one simple trick: get down in a plank position, lower yourself downwards w/o letting your chest or knees hit the ground, and then push yourself back up. Repeat. Follow me and subscribe for more training tips and life hacks.

5:01 PM · Sep 30, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Like Alfred and Edward before him, King Charles knows where to turn for a dangerous and deniable mission.

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3:04 PM · Sep 30, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

The whole “You know you wouldn’t have been an aristocrat if you retvrned?” thing is why Lady Butler’s “Listed for the Connaught Rangers” speaks to me. A realistic depiction of regular dudes from my ancestral region and station.

1:27 PM · Sep 30, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

@vanikehuman @SandpiperFax F

12:52 PM · Sep 30, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

LMAO. Downside of any tweet blowing up is that people like this will find it.

2:45 AM · Sep 30, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

I suspect that this movie might grow on me if I were to go back and watch it again. Especially in light of all the reboots and sequels that have come out of Hollywood lately, the alleged Indy 5 in the works, and Shia LeBeouf becoming Shia LeBased.

11:36 PM · Sep 29, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

GM Anon. The boss is waiting for you. But don’t worry, he still doesn’t know about your Twitter account.

2:35 PM · Sep 29, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

@CarrieBuckylite Joe McCarthy

1:09 PM · Sep 29, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

@yizzcognito The closest we ever had to a guy who could’ve actually pulled it off:

7:50 PM · Sep 28, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

4:13 PM · Sep 28, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

“Have you seen the murder rates in cities like Memphis, St. Louis, and New Orleans? Red states are so much more dangerous. There are no other possible conclusions one could draw from that.”

2:50 PM · Sep 28, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

@baltic_dan A suspect has been identified:

1:06 PM · Sep 28, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

@CaptainKetchup5: Nooooo, you can’t just do your work just as efficiently from home! You have to do a long commute and sit in a cube all day because that’s how we’ve always done it!

12:33 PM · Sep 28, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

The State Department definitely has the best aesthetics of any government agency.

9:17 PM · Sep 27, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

The perfect gift for the striver in your life.

7:08 PM · Sep 27, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

@bowlingnols He gave his life trying to reverse this

5:53 PM · Sep 27, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

@poisonpunished I doubt I could save her, but I probably would’ve tried.

3:29 PM · Sep 27, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

The “burned out former gifted kid” thing is a cringe schtick. It’s really just a result of the “you can be whatever you want” childhood platitudes that millennials grew up with colliding with the realities of wagie life.

2:49 PM · Sep 27, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

“Buongiorno, Anon. Would you like a glass of red or white with your pasta? You know that refers to both wines and pills, yes?”

5:19 PM · Sep 26, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Nooo you can’t just feel in your soul that the one on the left is beautiful and the one on the right is not!! You need to cite peeer reviewed studiesss!

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2:54 PM · Sep 26, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

In a major escalation of the propaganda war, they are now putting out “The (Profession) of (City)” Holocaust style novels about Ukraine. https://t.co/obZP9QUuhI

Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

: This is an entire sub genre of “upmarket women’s fiction” and they usually even use the same font and cover template.

1:48 PM · Sep 26, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

In a major escalation of the propaganda war, they are now putting out “The (Profession) of (City)” Holocaust style novels about Ukraine.

1:47 PM · Sep 26, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

GM. Cozy fall posting season is upon us.

11:35 AM · Sep 26, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

@poisonpunished Supergirl is cool and all, but my real kryptonite is her AWFL GirlBoss alter ego.

12:49 AM · Sep 26, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

I mean…

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12:44 AM · Sep 26, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

TFW you see Swedes and Italians posting Ws.

11:27 PM · Sep 25, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

We are so back.

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9:35 PM · Sep 25, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

I mock most Bro Vet brands, but I’ll support this one because their food is damn good.

4:17 PM · Sep 25, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

GM. Go to church.

1:06 PM · Sep 25, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

“The Battle of Waterloo was won on the playing fields of Eton.”

12:08 PM · Sep 24, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

It’s Friday night frens. Have a good time, but stay out of trouble and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do. If you need a ride home, just give me a call and I’ll pick you up.

8:55 PM · Sep 23, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

The 1993 Philadelphia Phillies were a once-in-a-generation convergence of a type of effortless masculine vitality that is often missing today. It is perhaps fitting that two of the guys in this pic went on to become RW shitposters in the current age.

6:26 PM · Sep 23, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

This account appreciates redheads in general, but Amy Adams in particular.

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5:42 PM · Sep 23, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

One of the most humbling turning points of adolescence was having to move from little baseball fields to full size baseball field around age 13 and being forced to realize that I actually suck at a sport I sincerely believed I was good at.

4:35 PM · Sep 23, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

I do what I can to help the incel bros. I’ve overcome plenty of social autism myself. But we really need to accept that a significant portion of them are NGMI and there’s nothing we can do about it.

2:43 PM · Sep 23, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

12:16 PM · Sep 23, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

The most Reddit thing to happen today:

4:24 PM · Sep 22, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Been seeing too much ugliness on the TL lately, time to spread some 2000s J. Crew catalog vibes:

6:20 PM · Sep 21, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

You make the appropriate monthly contribution to my Substack fund and get invited to an exclusive e-girl yacht party. How do you open?

4:48 PM · Sep 21, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Be me, showing fast food surveillance footage in court as evidence in slip-and-fall case. In background of video there’s a comically fat man ordering lots of food, it took all my self-restraint to not make a joke about it. As soon as I’m finished, the judge makes a joke about it

2:51 PM · Sep 21, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Breaking news: King Charles has just appointed a distinguished and disinterested career civil servant to draw up a partition of the city of Leicester between its Indian and Pakistani residents.

1:42 PM · Sep 21, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Lots of talk about what posts get a BAP retweet. FWIW, the one time I got a BAP retweet was when I posted this classic pic of Pierce Brosnan in Hong Kong.

12:52 AM · Sep 21, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Proposal: no more pictures of sexually deviant high school teachers on the TL unless it’s the attractive kind.

7:47 PM · Sep 20, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

The incel autist eyes the coquettish e-girl longingly, while his boomer mentor assures him that all he is to do is look her in the eye and give her a nice firm handshake.

3:55 PM · Sep 20, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

1:10 PM · Sep 20, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

My own little prank has went on long enough and by now most of you have figured it out, so it's time to come clean about Dr. Rob Thompson’s account. The results are quite amusing or quite damning depending on your POV.

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8:25 PM · Sep 19, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

No comment necessary.

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5:43 PM · Sep 19, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

@Lady_Astor

4:27 PM · Sep 19, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

This was one of the most GOPe things to ever happen. “Our divided loyalties totally owned their divided loyalties! Take that libs!”

4:22 PM · Sep 19, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

@ProtesterLone Closest thing we’ve had was JFK’s funeral

1:08 PM · Sep 19, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Historian here: white people have always existed in Japan. If you have a problem with Ryan Gosling being cast as Hirohito, you’re letting your racism show and it’s not a good look.

1:04 PM · Sep 19, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Remember how this show was a big cultural trend for almost a decade and then everybody just kind of forgot about it after the finale sucked? https://t.co/EvXh2CJ3Ey

Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

: Fun fact: “The Mother” also played Johnny Sack’s daughter on The Sopranos and I can’t stop imagining her bringing Ted Mosby home to meet Johnny.

1:28 AM · Sep 19, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

A long time coming tbh. Genuinely surprised it took them this long.

10:46 PM · Sep 18, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Remember how this show was a big cultural trend for almost a decade and then everybody just kind of forgot about it after the finale sucked?

8:46 PM · Sep 18, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Canada was wholesome and based when their vibe was “We are not America because we are a loyal Dominion.” When that vibe gives way to, “We are not America because we’re even GAEer,” it becomes a silly and pointless place.

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12:39 PM · Sep 18, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Cool yard sale finds this morning.

1:49 PM · Sep 17, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Wishing all frens a cozy Friday

6:38 PM · Sep 16, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

He ultimately played a tragic role in one of the most immortal tales of Empire. In 1885, when General Gordon was besieged in Khartoum, Burnaby was part of Viscount Garnet Wolseley's relief force that infamously arrived just too late to save the day. https://t.co/YETm6OQRXk

Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

: En-route to Khartoum, Burnaby was killed in battle when he left the protective square to rescue a wounded comrade. While he is sadly not well-remembered today, his life and death perfectly embody the spirit of romantic adventure that defined the Victorian era.

3:51 PM · Sep 16, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

He was highly sought after by the ladies of Victorian society, and eventually married Elizabeth Hawkins-Whitshed, herself an adventurous traveler, mountaineer, and total Stacy. https://t.co/m6nsbOeIy8

Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

: He ultimately played a tragic role in one of the most immortal tales of Empire. In 1885, when General Gordon was besieged in Khartoum, Burnaby was part of Viscount Garnet Wolseley's relief force that infamously arrived just too late to save the day.

3:51 PM · Sep 16, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Burnaby also became an avid hot air ballooner, and successfully crossed the English Channel in a balloon. He stood out for his 6'4" Chad stature, and became a London celebrity after publishing accounts of his expeditions in Central Asia at the height of the "Great Game" https://t.co/RA0mceZz0W

Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

: He was highly sought after by the ladies of Victorian society, and eventually married Elizabeth Hawkins-Whitshed, herself an adventurous traveler, mountaineer, and total Stacy.

3:51 PM · Sep 16, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Burnaby was born in 1842, had a typical public school (British meaning) education, and earned a commission in the Horse Guards regiment in 1859. With no wars going on at the time, he sought thrills through travel expeditions and documenting conflicts in Russia and Spain. https://t.co/eRp6YPPae8

Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

: Burnaby also became an avid hot air ballooner, and successfully crossed the English Channel in a balloon. He stood out for his 6'4" Chad stature, and became a London celebrity after publishing accounts of his expeditions in Central Asia at the height of the "Great Game"

3:51 PM · Sep 16, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

This portrait by James Tissot is one of the best encapsulations of my account aesthetic. But what do we know about its subject? Short 🧵 on the daring and romantic exploits of Victorian adventurer Frederick Burnaby... https://t.co/rCjGZ5T3i6

Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

: Burnaby was born in 1842, had a typical public school (British meaning) education, and earned a commission in the Horse Guards regiment in 1859. With no wars going on at the time, he sought thrills through travel expeditions and documenting conflicts in Russia and Spain.

3:51 PM · Sep 16, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

3:51 PM · Sep 16, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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@justacrazybird

7:24 PM · Sep 15, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Norwegian Kongens Garde (King’s Guard) Their distinctive covers were copied from Italian Bersaglieri (sharpshooter) regiments, and their official mascot is a penguin who resides in the Edinburgh Zoo.

6:17 PM · Sep 15, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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Captain Ketchup @CaptainKetchup5

Gm frens Just hung up “The Fighting Temeraire” by JMW Turner in my office.

1:41 PM · Sep 15, 2022 · Twitter Web App

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